From time to time, I come across someone who reminds me of when I was learning to have boundaries.
They come across as edgy, intense, and angry.
What I see is an exertion of power. Usually, due to not having boundaries in the past. Sometimes, due to having lived through experiences of having power taken away.
I still have my moments. Which is why I’m doing my best to say, I’ll get back to you, when I feel I can’t deliver a healthy and clear no.
The other side of this is that sometimes, some people push. They may require a bit more of a firm tone, or clear message if it hadn’t gotten through the first time.
That said, we have to then explore where we miscommunicated our positioning.
It takes practice.
I didn’t understand what boundaries were, or how to have them. I went from having no boundaries, to boundaries so far and wide no one could get near me.
I was prickly, aggressive and over protective, because I had to be.
I have lifetime of experiencing issues around safety, mostly emotional and mental. Which created a certain dynamic within my mind.
It took me a long time to learn that boundaries are safe to have. Over time, I realized that I could be clear and direct, minus the aggression in my approach with saying “no”.
My boundaries slowly began to not feel like daggers or spikes at anyone when they asked me something I was having to protect a boundary on.
It’s safe to say no, without an explanation.
It’s okay to change your mind, without an explanation.
It’s okay to have a boundary in place to protect you and your space without having to discuss the ins and outs and the whys.
It’s okay to set a boundary however the situation calls for it at the time.
Keeping in mind the level of safety you need to create for yourself.
Please know that with practice, it’ll become your new normal to have them.