Good Morning Muddies – It is May 1st!
April was a hell of a ride, as I’ve mentioned on and off, and yesterday I dare say I spent the day grieving the deaths of as many things as I could think of that no longer served me. Judgments about my body, my business, my choices. Doubts and fears regarding where I belonged or didn’t. A whole boatload of other things that to be honest, I’d rather not spend time writing about in this particular post.
Let’s do this shall we?
I am interested in all sorts of things from astrology, to numerology, to patterns, to odd numbers, to the Spiritual Meanings of the various medicines that show up in our lives. Crystals to oracle cards. You name it, I’m all over the place. So what I wanted to do was breathe into what May was about for me. It took me a good week or so to really ground myself into what this month could represent, and what I wanted to do with my 31 days. Living in the moment, one day at a time of course, but making the most out of each day in an elevated way with fierce commitment.
May is about action. It is about showing up as best as I can, every single day. We spend so much time talking about what we “wish” we could change, or things we “want” to make better, but quite often we don’t take the action steps to actually make the changes.
Over the last few weeks I have been seeing 5s and 5:55, everywhere. I LOVE odd numbers so seeing 5 just made me smile in general. I also get up at 5 every single day. I honestly never thought much about it, just thought oh.. there go my Angels/Guides and Signs again, without actually asking what it was supposed to represent.
Then this morning, I realized something. May is the 5th month of the year.
So I asked, What do I need to do about this magic you’ve been showing me Universe?
The magic this month, is about Action.
At 4:17 this morning I woke up, which represents two personal connections for me, which I thought of right at that moment, and then I promptly went back to sleep after thinking to myself “no bloody way I’m getting up yet, I still have 43 minutes! I don’t “math” but when I do, it’s about calculating how many minutes of sleep I still have left.
I opted not to get myself out of bed at 5, but rather let my body do what it needed to do. I went back to sleep and by about 6:30 I finally moved again. I hid under the blankets for a moment, knowing that today was Day 1. Day 1 of action. You see I committed to myself that it was time to take a fresh approach to my body and caring for her. In a brief flash of doubt and “no I don’t wanna”, within a few minutes, I was in my gym clothes, tightening my running shoes and headed out the door. While I drove to the gym, I imagined myself in a healthy body, showing up for myself, just like all the other people showing up for themselves at the crack of 7 AM ON A MONDAY. (Sorry had to get that off my chest).
My self-talk quickly got very serious with me. Maybe it was Spirit, but I was hearing it loud and clear.
YOU belong here.
YOU deserve physical wellness.
YOU can do this.
You see, one of my biggest challenges in life that I don’t often talk about is body image. I was probably 5 (oh look there’s a 5 again) or 6 years old when I first started feeling like I was different and didn’t belong. Physical health was not something anyone I was around focused on. In school, I was a member of the track and field team, long distance running was my thing. I don’t remember much about that time in my life, but I know I did it, and I finished. Somewhere along the way, my body got bigger as I went through puberty at 10 years old, and it would be years before I ever set foot in a gym again. As my body changed, my mind changed. I was never happy with my body, and I grew up with a family who had beliefs like “you’re fighting a losing battle”, “we are all morbidly obese”, “what’s the point”, “your body shape is good, just lose the stomach”… the list goes on. I was also around a family that judged people for “being” fat, or having large breasts. I remember them being referred to as “udders” at one point. Yup, moo. Major spiritual meanings behind cows by the way, and they are absolutely beautiful creatures.
I remember the shame that was associated with a larger body size. How it was important to hide under big baggy clothing, and suck things in, and squeeze into those awful “slimming” pantyhose things. Seriously?
The epic part of this, is that all along, I KNEW none of this was true. But it was a demon I had not yet slayed. It was a demon that I would continue to feed. Figuratively and literally.
Yesterday, with the outgoing month of April, and all it’s mud. I allowed all of those stories to die. That’s all they are. Old stories. You can’t write new stories, from the frame of reference of the old stories. You have to go at least one level back, before that story started. What made that story come to be?
Einstein is my guy to sum this up. “No problem can be solved from the same level of consciousness that created it.”
If I had gone to the gym this morning thinking, I’m fat, unhealthy and can’t fit in here, how well do you think that whole time would have gone for me? Do you think my body would have showed up? My mind would have been outside in the parking lot waiting for me to hurry up and finish so we could go home and eat.
I’ve spent YEARS working on my emotional, mental and spiritual health. I’ve reprogrammed, discovered, and conditioned myself enough to know that my head needs to be very clear, focused and fiercely determined before my body will jump into alignment. My whole-self, is an ongoing work in progress, some areas are balanced and some need more attention and dedication.
This, is how I’m doing May, what’s your plan of action? Is there a change you need to make in some area? Is there a pain point you need to invest in to better yourself? Is there something you need to adjust, so you can come into alignment with your truth?