I was feeling distant, and disconnected from the space I had just rented. No matter how much prayer, smudging or Reiki I did, it didn’t feel like home. It didn’t make sense. I had people say I’d feel better once I unpacked and got things in order. True, that did help. I was cooking up a storm last night, and thought the scents would bring a certain level of home-ness to the space. Yes, that felt good too. But something just didn’t make sense. I’ve rented other apartments in the past they all had a certain level of greatness to them at those times, and then it hit me this morning. Cooking is creative. Writing is creative. Music is creative. I’m here, to create.
Exactly one month ago today, I signed the dotted line on the offer for my condo. Yesterday, I handed over the keys and said good bye. I sat in my living room chair while I was there. It held me close, knowing it would be the last time. I bought that chair over a decade ago, comfy as anything, still in good shape, but I decided to leave it and my couch behind for the new owner. She’s a nice girl, I tell the purple wall. I look around, and I smile and cry at the same time. Be good to her sweet condo home, give her all you gave me and more.
Give her peace, serenity, healing. Give her compassion, love and the power to believe. Give her strength, memories and loads of laughter. Go gently on her soul when she needs to cry. Give her beautiful sunrises, safety and room to grow.
Every single emotion I’ve needed to feel since making this decision needed to come up yesterday. As an Intuitive Healer I knew the time would come, and I knew that as soon as I walked in, it was going to be my space to have that experience. No one else could be there, it couldn’t be while I was doing the final cleaning, or shuffling of boxes. It had to happen while I was there, alone, with the walls and rooms that helped me transform another chunk of my life over the last two and a half years. Good by sacred space, my former home.
I write this today from my new space. A space that feels light and was energetically confusing, for a minute. I’d call it home, but home holds a different definition for me now, which is a whole other book for another time. This space, I think I may call her, the Studio. One because I pay for it and can call it whatever I want, and two, because the word studio just feels exactly what it is for. I am here to create, to love, to work, to play. I’m designing my life, and therefore, I am an artist. An artist needs a space, a space away from everyone and everything to get in touch with their inner muse. Bam! Now it all makes sense.
I realized when I was looking for an apartment, everything felt off. I couldn’t figure out why. The last day or so, the word studio had been popping up in my mind. Of course after years of remembering I’m supposed to pay attention when certain words or situations continue to pop up, I knew something was coming into my awareness that was going to throat punch me, as ah-hah moments usually do.
I wasn’t looking for a place to live, they way people mean when they say “where do you live”. What I was being guided to was a place to create and work. So although this is a home and I live here, the energy is a bit different as it veers just a bit off the mark of a label of home. I live everywhere. I live when I walk down the stairs, and drive my car. I live when I’m shopping or going for a walk. When people ask what my residential address is or where I live, I won’t get into explaining to them why word choice is so important because the timing likely won’t be suitable, but in my heart, I know what I need to know about this space. I know the power of labels and words.
Phew. Glad I got that sorted out. Isn’t hindsight great? I don’t know why my guides have to be such little jerks sometimes and give me the run around. Yeah, they’re all laughing in the background right now as I write that because they know I’m a pain in the ass, and they dish it right back.
Although my Studio (yeah I’m diggin’ it) has all the necessities and on paper my apartment looks like an apartment, what I see and feel after my discovery is a deep profound energy that I understand and know much differently than the label I was chasing after.
This is my Studio. Welcome.
