Sometimes… I find myself in quiet reflective states. I don’t want to connect with anyone, I want to be alone, and not have to do anything for anyone else.
I remember a scene from Grey’s Anatomy a season or two ago. One of the main characters disappears for a day. She locks herself in a hotel room, and no one can reach her. At the end of her ‘escape’ she explains, [not a direct quote.. but the general idea of..] she just didn’t want to be a wife, a mom, a doctor, a friend, or a daughter for a minute. She just wanted to be left alone with herself.
After a few days of intense focus and work, I find myself needing time for incubation, and a mindless-do-nothing break. Even for a few hours, hiding in a blanket fort once in a while because I can.
So many of us do so much for others in so many ways. In the work I do, I have to be very aware of my energy and my capacity. I have to carefully watch my time and my work load. Doing readings, healings and the channeling coaching calls I do, take a lot of energy. My body is being used in a way that is completely different than any other “job”, or work I’ve done.
I was sharing with someone recently that I had been making intentional trips to do my laundry at the laundromat rather than in my building because it gave me a moment to read a book. It felt like a vacation.
I was sharing with someone else while folding my laundry, that the only reason I decided to do laundry that day was because everything else had gone sideways, at at least this way I felt like I’d accomplished something.
Apparently laundry is healing for me. But no, I don’t want to do yours. 😉
I’ve also noticed that after dinner, I like to get outside, go for a drive, listen to a few tunes and sing. I find this grounds and centers me.
Are you feeling a bit off kilter? Do you need something that helps you get realigned? What are you missing that you once did regularly that you know helped you feel good?
I had an epiphany the other day. They don’t happen often, and I’m still wishing for fireworks and glitter to fall from the sky when it does happen. But I had this big awareness around what happens to me if I don’t sleep well, eat poorly, or miss taking intentional breaks. I essentially completely throw myself off for a couple of days.
Speaking of noticing things, I used “happen(s)” way too much in that last paragraph.
If I miss my sacred morning time, my day is done. It’s that easy for me to become derailed and I now make it an intentional choice to sit and plan what I’d like to get done that day and what has to get done that day, while sipping my first coffee of the day.
I’ve always been sensitive this way, and I never understood why. It was my mind and body’s way of being primed for this work that I’m so grateful to be able to show up and do. In re-reading the above section, I thought hmmm does this sound like I’m complaining? Nope. Just being me, showing up in this moment of awareness and understanding what I need. Also bringing the “real deal” to the table for those of you who have expressed how much you appreciate that aspect of me.
July was wild. I had incredibly busy and intense days. I accomplished so much, provided service to so many, and just feel so blessed for all the work I was chosen for.
In all of that, I’ve had to give myself permission to relax, to be less rigid, and remind myself that it is perfectly okay to work at a pace that suits my soul, and yet, every day I still have moments where I struggled to surrender to this flow.
When was the last time you gave yourself permission to go at a pace that feels less rushed or pressured? Rocking your mud looks different sometimes, and remember that’s all part of it. Learning how to go with it gracefully and with ease. When was the last time you sat for a moment to plan and decide, rather than dashing out the door, or bolting off the start line the minute your feet hit the floor in the morning?
If you give this quiet reflection planning a whirl, I’d love to hear how it goes.
Wishing you a wonderful easy-flowing and graceful August.
