Words I never thought I would say, or a topic I ever thought I would discuss. Yet, I stand here, all woman, and I’m going to go there. It’s time to stop making things so taboo, it’s 20-f’n-17, and it’s time.
Although my Healing Work and Writings are not typically gender specific, and it seems that my audience is mostly women, I am dedicating this one to the guys.
Something that isn’t talked about very often, is how many women out there abuse their male partners. Whether it be physical, mental or emotional, abuse is abuse. I’m going to be sharing about the mental and emotional side today.
I’ve witnessed first hand, not realizing what it was in the moment. Not seeing the manipulation, the secrecy, the façade of “this is on you”. I’ve seen conversations get twisted around, and deception unfold right in front of me. I know women, and I know of women, who are masters at the mind game, who play the push pull game, who are so unbelievably unhealthy, they drag their man down into the trench with them.
But I didn’t interject.
Most of us don’t. Most of us keep our mouths shut because we think it’s none of our business. Or, maybe we question it, maybe we think oh, that’s probably just a one off flare up I’m sure it’s nothing.
Chances are, it’s probably not nothing.
I woke up this morning and this topic was heavily on my mind because of a chat I had with a friend of mine yesterday about a woman we both know who treated her partner like shit for years. He was the most brilliant, sweet and kind man I think I’ve ever known, and unfortunately passed away last year. Unrelated to the situation, or was it?
You see, he had a heart attack and died. I’m a firm believer that our emotional stressors show up in our physical bodies, and can do irreversible damage if left unchanged or unhealed.
Hindsight, of course, I remember all the things he didn’t do because it would upset his then partner. He wouldn’t take out his pride and joy of a muscle car because she thought it was too loud, he wouldn’t laugh too loud at the tv because she got annoyed, he got banished to the bedroom to watch a second tv if she wanted to watch something in the living room, but she’d never voluntarily go in there herself, he would pick her up every day after work for years, and she’d complain that maybe she just wanted to read a book and sit on public transit, he would ask her what she wanted for dinner and her responses would be, just pick something and make it! If he dared approach for physical contact, a hug, a shoulder rub, whatever it might have been, she would scowl at him and holler his name as if yelling at a child who had misbehaved and needed to be corrected. They never discussed problems, because she would just stop talking altogether and ignore him. When he was out on the road during his long haul trucking job and would call to say hello every day and check in, she would complain and say she didn’t need to hear from him. No matter what he did, it wasn’t good enough. This was just the beginning. Over time, his spirit eventually died. I watched it melt away. Finally they separated, but at that point, I was no longer coming around and spending time with either of them so I missed out on those years with him, but I know he found happiness in his final years, so for that, I am grateful.
Maybe you’ve experienced this yourself, maybe you’re still experiencing it. I can’t fix that situation, and I can’t undo the fact that I never had a heart to heart with this man to “shine a light”, on things, but I can certainly write about it today.
There is no shame in admitting that you are a male, and in an abusive or unhealthy relationship. Just as I was told years ago, not all men are assholes, I’m here to let you know that not all women are either.
You ARE worthy of better. You DO deserve better. You CAN leave. I know, you think you’re stuck, I know you think you might be able to “fix” this, but, the only fix, is you deciding that you need to take care of yourself now.
When you make space in your life for the good to come, it will come. But as long as you stay stuck where you are, you are on a perpetual cycle that won’t end, until you change the pattern somehow. When you align yourself with people who love you, bring you joy and want nothing but to see you become the best version of yourself, your life will flourish. You will go from existing and trying to pacify whoever you are paired up with, to fully living and consciously being your beautiful male authentic self.
Sending support and loads of love your way, you’re not alone.
