I’ve been listening to Joshua and Ryan’s (The Minimalists) podcast lately. Following their page and really delving into their works and passion. I watched their documentary, and I highly recommend. This morning they had a post that read, “Buying diamonds is not evidence of everlasting devotion: commitment, trust, understanding—these are indications of devotion.”
I’ve found that I had been on a similar journey as them, and now, things are becoming even clearer for me, as I awaken to a new chapter on this particular leg of my journey. Possessions and material things are becoming quite the hot topic for me. But for now, let’s take a cupid arrow at Valentine’s day and relationships shall we?
Diamonds, vows, proposals, flowers, chocolate. So many years I spent waiting for these things. So many years, lost. Lost in the stuff. Lost in the society driven demands of how one should live, how one should expect, how one should be able to have things to show.
A few years ago, I decided that I was no longer going to be slave to what society demanded of me. I bought my own ring on valentine’s day and I committed to the relationship I had with myself. My favourite part of that day was when a complete stranger approached me as I was going to the jewelry counter at the Bay and decided to compliment my appearance asked me if I was single or not. I said no. At the time I was VERY much single, and had been for a while, yes, by choice. He then asked if I’d been in a relationship with the person for a long time, or what the situation was. I said yes, we’ve been together forever. What he didn’t know, or need to know, was that I was referring to the relationship with myself. I gave him kudos for approaching a stranger and wished him well.
Then, and only then, did I get it. No one was going to complete me, I was already complete. Of course I also didn’t *need* the ring, but I felt like at that time I wanted a visible reminder, or a small token to something to twirl, to notice, to zero in on, when my focus became unclear. Similarly just like someone’s diamond, or wedding ring is a “physical item” of their marriage, it’s the actual behaviours, thoughts and actions that MAKE the relationship. I could lose the ring right this moment, because I know what’s in my soul.
Marriage, diamonds, dress, suit, shoes, show show show. I’m not that woman. A lifetime ago when I thought I wanted those things. I’m so glad I learned that I don’t! I’m grateful and moved that I’m not falling into the trap of “things” anymore.
I’m not knocking anyone who DOES desire or want things. I like certain things too. I’m just getting more specific about the underlying meaning of what the THINGS are to me. I love nice things. Pretty things. But I’m also a recovering compulsive spender, seriously it was my favourite of my addictions.
What I know, is I don’t need things to know where I stand, or my relationship stands. Love is an every day thing. Sure the flowers are pretty, so I sometimes buy them for myself. It isn’t HIS job. If he feels compelled to do so, great, but instead I love the practical helpful gifts instead. Or the gifts that he knows stir my soul and make me tear up, and breathe life into my energetic space because they have deep meaning to me.
At the end of each day, it is our mutual choice to trust, understand, respect and choose one another daily. No ring, flowers, or item will prove or disprove that.
And the end of each day, it is my job, to keep myself focused on what is important, keeping my mind, heart and soul clear and open. It is to me, I commit first, and it is to him I am able to show up already whole, to “be”, and share this journey with.