I decided to let myself do the opposite of what I normally do every single morning and chose to slow time and hibernate.
I drank coffee in bed for five straight mornings.
I wrote pages upon pages in my journal.
I read a book that made me feel like I was journeying with the author herself.
I put a YouTube fireplace video on the bedroom tv, and listened to the crackling, and let myself drift away and imagine it was ‘real’.
I’ve eaten delicious goodies, splendid homemade meals, and frozen pizza (let’s keep it real here), and 100% hand on heart honestly was going to allow myself to stay on this quieter path until January 23rd.
Why? No magic, just what I picked.
But then something shifted. I wasn’t antsy or uncomfortable, it was more like readiness and perhaps even rejuvenated a little.
On the 5th morning, I decided I would make time to put that L’Oreal G16 burgundy brown dye to good use. Not sponsored, but people often ask what colour I use.
I also decided to do a couple of loads of laundry. Everything was washed, dried, folded, and put away. Dreamy isn’t it?
Today, on the 6th day I got really crazy and decided to go out and do my grocery shopping. 8 AM, very few people around, just the way I’d always done it until I let myself get too busy and overwhelmed with everything else I thought I had to do and opted to use delivery services for a while. Not going to lie, I truly enjoy the delivery option and will continue to use it as needed, but today I just needed to do simple things like picking up my goods, bagging, and smiling at strangers with my eyes because well, masks.
I even bought myself some flowers. Carnations because they have always been my favourite.
I’m certain this slower simpler pace was exactly what I needed. I’m also certain I’ll be allowing time to do continue doing less the moment my eyes open.
I realized that in my work, I spend so much time telling everyone else they need to ‘silence the noise’ that I wasn’t hearing my own internal screams for the same.
Now, I am finally hearing my heart again.
Spirit is coming through clearly and confidently, and I am listening and minding the direction given.
It’s been a long time since I’ve felt this peaceful, clear and aligned.
I’ve often said we can stop by choice or we can stop by force. It was only a matter of time before the Universe swooped in and silenced things for me so that I would finally pay attention. I’ve learned that lesson a few too many times the hard way.
Now I’m choosing simplicity. I’m choosing an easier path, and focusing on the things that truly work for me, and leaning into the unknown by surrendering everything that doesn’t.
I’ve spent so many years fighting, struggling, pushing, and hustling, that ‘kicking and screaming’ comes very naturally to me, but what I realized is that it isn’t natural. It was a conditioned response.
A response to not feeling like I had a place here in the world and so I had to fight for it and prove and show that I was worthy to be here.
I’m now choosing to take the medicine that I’ve been teaching others for years, if you’re here and alive, then you have a place here, and you belong, so take up the space that is yours, and shine in all your magnificent stardust glory.
I’m committing with compassion, grace, and ease of staying as true to my path as possible and allowing myself to press the do-over button, anytime I slip back to unhelpful ways.
Today I’m choosing to show up for me again however that may look. Tomorrow, I might choose to stop time again, sip coffee in bed, and watch logs burning on a video loop just because I can.
For the moment, I’m going to peek through these flowers for a photo op to go with this post, but mostly because their scent is glorious and divine.