If you had told me that White Eagle and I would co-create all of these changes that have come through in the last few months I’d have laughed.
A handful of months ago we had casually chatted about what we wanted; but we didn’t know how it looked, or when it would happen or how. In those moments we were choosing to stay in the city.
We were choosing to stay at our jobs, and our life as it was. Please know, that we knew and we trusted – that one day down the road something would shift; we didn’t know when or how and we certainly take any typical specific action to make it happen.
Today, as White Eagle enters his 4 day closing ceremony of his tenure at his current job; I sit here reflecting, balanced, focused and felt compelled to share with all of you just a little bit of this chapter.
Our chosen family, our friends, our supporters, our kindred spirits and those who just need a little something to sip on this morning.
When January of 2018 rolled around my energy, mood and general attitude was in a less than stellar state. Things just were not feeling okay for me. Day in and day out, life was really kicking my Unicorn ass. As I dragged myself into work every day, there were days I’d be in tears in the parking lot, or at home afterwards because I just couldn’t take it anymore. It wasn’t the job or the people; it was me. It just didn’t align anymore; and I was hurting deeply because of it.
I knew things needed to change; years of personal development, studying and counselling others, thankfully I was taking a dose of my own medicine.
When March rolled around, we didn’t set out and look for a new apartment; or a new job, or do anything typical that would involve finding these things. It was just hey wouldn’t it be nice if… or.. oh hey you know what we should do… and that excitement shifted something in me. It changed my vibration. I went from depression and malaise to engaged and alive again. We just talked about how good it would be; we didn’t spend countless hours searching, waiting wondering, pining for something new.
I just woke up one morning and while trying to decide on switching a cellular service; said WTF am I doing this now for on a Saturday morning; and I heard in my head “go on Kijiji look at Stouffville apartments right now.” That’s how we found it. It was that easy. It was that ‘done’.
In May, while laughing hysterically at the fact that yet another HR manager was leaving the company I was at, the words “Help me leave too” came out of my mouth. Eyes wide; I had my “oh FFFFFF###%%” what just came out of my MOUTH?! moment.
How do you call this in? How do you connect to this divine way of being? How do you just “be okay”?
We surrendered. We took our hands off the wheel. We stopped projecting, we let go of control, we don’t push things, we don’t demand.
We surrendered to whatever the Creator had in the plan for us.
You see when we first started out; I didn’t even know we would make it. I joke now when I say; our relationship was on Tuesdays because back then that was White Eagle’s only day off. That was my first big surrender.
I remember praying; okay Creator, I’m going to keep doing what I’m doing because I feel something here. I see something here; and by golly it is NOT what I had thought it would look like, but this is on you man. Seriously! That’s pretty much exactly what I said.
As the Creator spoke to him, and to me, things just unfolded, naturally.
The more we surrendered, let go of beliefs and ideas on ‘shoulds’, released expectations and standards, the more aligned we became to our own individual truths, and ultimately remained connected.
In order for us to arrive at today; we had to allow the death of the old.
If you had told me a year ago; I’d bit sipping sacred cacao from Guatemala, just barely a week and a half since leaving my corporate world job, listening to tribal music, channeling dead people, conducting intuitive readings and healings and home clearings and have the love of my life support me with every move and shake rattle and roll I could come up with in the last few WEEKS (not months, not years.. weeks) I’d tell you; you were nuts.
I still wake up some days and my first thought is… “wow”.
If you’d told me that by leaving my job; my feet, legs, hips and back would stop hurting me so much it was almost debilitating I wouldn’t have believed you. (And I’ve studied and taught this stuff for years).
Here’s some TMI stuff just to drive the point home a little harder…
If you told me that my IBS symptoms would D I S A P P E A R almost overnight, I’d have laughed at you until I sent you into orbit as stardust. Yep I’m that sassy.
If you had marked on a calendar that my moon time would return to normal exactly 3 days after wrapping up some “when are you leaving” details at that day job, I’d have eyerolled.
If you’d suggested that my new state of being would be this thing called “relaxed” – You’d have gotten a “ya ya.. sure.”
Ifs, ands, buts, and hows – have no place here now.
Part of my path and gift, is to share. To be an example of what is possible. I share it because you’re witnessing two people who have chosen to live their life very differently than they once did. Two people who have had brilliant moments; and down right—this-might-kill-me- moments. Two people who are so ridiculously humbled, grateful and amazed by what this life truly is; that we just look at one another some times and sit in the ‘wow’.
Thank you for being in the wow with us.