At some point in late August, I felt the desire to take a break. A break from writing, a break from working with clients, a break from life. The truth is, it wasn’t planned, it just sort of went that way. Certainly says a lot about desire, doesn’t it?
I love it when I’m in the groove and everything is flowing just as it should. Shit. Don’t we all? But the reality is, that’s not really life, there are always hills and valleys, in my life anyway. I’m sure in yours too. These hills and valleys could be hourly for some, or over the span of years for others. The point is, we really are all kind of in this beautiful mess together.
In the last handful of weeks, things finally came to a head for me. I realized that I, the self-proclaimed life coach/mentor/Intuitive Healer/whatever you feel like calling me today – wasn’t really doing a whole lot of personal work in the last couple of months. I’d like to say that my forced break was an active decision, but it felt more like a forced response from my body, and my mind basically said, “ok sister, you’re down for the count for a while, we’ll let you know when you’re good to go again.”. I felt as if my body had betrayed me. I felt as if my mind had been abducted by the mental health aliens, and that I was stuck in some alternate universe, yet completely existing and showing up still, in my life here as I know it.
Then, I realized that I was again, being too much for everyone else, and not enough for myself. Not even one tiny bit was I showing up for me. Trust me, watching netflix and sleeping for hours on end isn’t really self-care, it’s avoidance, and a distraction, but, slowly, I clawed my way out because I knew I needed more.
I finally decided to reach out to people who I know care about me. People who could love me, when I couldn’t love myself. I had some decisions to make, before things got worse. Decisions that I’ll write about in another post, as for now, I’m just feeling like cracking open the tip of the iceberg of where I am today.
During the unplanned break, I did learn a few things, you know, hindsight and all that. I learned that we are all just trying to do our best. I learned that speaking my truth is the most important thing I need to do for myself. I learned that it’s okay to be honest, and that fearing the response is pretty normal. I know I need to ask for what I want. That “no” isn’t always a bad answer. Mostly, I learned, that I still have a 100% success rate, and that when I go into survival mode, I always emerge stronger, healthier and happier.
So, what am I getting at here… for you, my dear reader is this, if you’re reading this, you too, have a 100% success rate, because you too, are still here.